Being a twin momma is seriously the best thing ever! It’s double the fun, double the joy, double the laughs, double the toys, double the love, and double the…… trouble, dirty diapers, mess, cries, chaos, bottles??? You can fill in the blank there because believe me a complete stranger is sure happy to! I’m not sure what it is about twins that provoke total strangers to gift you with their twin knowledge and never ending questions. And you can see it coming… oh, it’s coming momma, you. just. wait. And the same is true for moms with three or more kids! They prey on us. And they “pity” us. First, they will stare at and observe your duo. If you don’t see an immediate smile from their admiration, SCRAM momma! SCRAM! Because HERE IT COMES!!!!!!
You see, the immediate smilers are the ones that have something sweet and nice to say. “Ohhhh what a blessing!” “They are soooooo cuuuuuute!” “Those sure are some pretty babies!” And you might get an “Are they twins?” but it’s followed by a feel good response like “That is just wonderful!” The immediate smilers will leave you feeling good.
There is another group out there though, “the givers” and they will either make you giggle or make you crazy. Maybe both. So beware of this group. They come with a wealth of knowledge, MUCH more than you, mind you and they are happy to “give” said knowledge to you without you even having to ask. First, they will stare you down in an expressionless manner. Not just a glance your way to acknowledge your adorable bundles, no no, you and your little posse are being sized up, sister. If you see this taking place make a move to get the heck out of dodge, or brace yourself because here comes the comedy…..
Questions Strangers Love to Ask Twin Parents & Their Responses
Q. Are THEY TWINS?
A. They are! (I smile sweetly)
Inappropriate Responses: “Well bless your heart!” (my favorite!!!! YES LADY, my heart is VERY blessed!) “Better you than me!” (TRUST ME lady, I AGREE!) “Boy you’ve got your hands full!” (I’m rolling my eyes in my head so hard right now, lady, I have a kid on each hip and groceries in both hands, obviously my hands are full and so are my hips!) “Well have mercy!” (You don’t say.) “I wouldn’t want to be at your house at Christmas.” (Good, you’re NOT INVITED!)
And Then The MOST COMMON Random Response: My great great great great great aunt Gertrude’s brother’s sister’s daughter had twins. I know all about twins. (preach sister)
Q. Are they identical?
A. I usually need to pause for a moment here, gather myself and I just say “Nope.” Because ya know, one boy, one girl, you get it, surely???? But…… maybe a few times…… I have said “They are! Head to toe.” To which they reply “Really? They don’t look that much alike.” PEOPLE. PLEASE. I am fairly sure I would fail high school biology right now if I had to take it but I can give you a basic anatomy class. ONE IS A BOY, ONE IS A GIRL and they CAN’T BE identical. Even if they look a lot alike, if one is wearing a big pink bow and the other is dressed in blue the answer is NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” You see, under their diapers… it’s different. Get it? And boys and girls don’t come from the same egg, they are separate little eggs from the beginning. IDENTICAL twins come from an egg that splits, thus making them IDENTICAL. It’s only fair, they ask stupid questions, I can give stupid answers. Carrying on….
Q. Are they natural?
A. “No, they’re aliens. A spaceship landed in our back yard and a momma space alien put two tiny eggs on our back porch. I sat on the nest for nine months and then stood back and watched them hatch.” Oh….. that’s not what you meant. Natural as in real humans that came out of me, yes, yes they did. I have some pictures if you need good detail. Or do you mean, natural as in happening in the “Natural” way? So, you actually want to know about our struggle with infertility? I highly doubt it. But, our twins were grown in a dish. A little tiny dish that I still have. A dish we paid a lot of money for and did a lot of tests on our bodies to have. A dish that we drove miles and miles for months to have. A dish that I put needles inside of my own body to have. A dish that housed a 6 cell and an 8 cell baby that were put back inside of my body and grown and I gave birth to 7 months later. I love my dish babies. Shut your face.
Inappropriate responses: “Oh, so you got two for the price of one!” (my favorite) “you got it over with the easy way” (yeah it was a walk in the park)
Q. Do twins run in your family.
A. I just told you space aliens brought them to me. Geez. But yes, twins do run in our family, just not for us. And if they don’t know our infertility story I simply tell them “My husband’s grandmother was a twin and my great grandmother had twins.” So yes, they do, but it had nothing to do with our own twins.
Random Responses: My great great great uncle Norman’s wife Mary’s sister Cathy had twins so twins run in our family too.
Q. Which one do you like more?
A. I really don’t like either one of them. I prefer the cat.
(Can this Walmart line go any slower????)
Q. How did you have them?
A. I didn’t. My husband did. I thank him daily for saving my private parts. I mean really? I may ask my twin mom friends this, or other friends, but a stranger…. HECK TO THE NO. No. No, is the appropriate answer. You just don’t. No. Okay. No. Go away, I hate you Walmart. (Not really, I LOOOOVE Walmart)
Q. How old are your kids?
(Considers this) Q. Both of them?
(More considering) Q. Are they twins??
A. They are.
And you know what happens when “the givers” find out you have twins.
And yes, fellow friendly “givers” I realize triplets would be more challenging. And yes, I got lucky by having one boy and one girl “at the same time” I realize I took the easy way out. (Sweet Mother of Pearl)
These “givers” also love my friends with three or more children. “Are they ALL YOURS?” Because you know, we all want to borrow extra kids before we go grocery shopping. And they also like to try and figure out the parent scenario of children who may have been adopted from other countries. “John, do you think that boy is adopted? He doesn’t match the rest of them.”