Wide Open & Fear

I am so transparent with you all in my writing. I open up and pour my heart and soul into my words. I usually do my best writing at the most inconvenient times, while I’m in the shower and driving for example. By the time I’m somewhere I can write, the stellar thoughts I had once written in my head are long gone. It saddens me that my brain can’t hold onto stuff for very long. But I’ve come to accept, it’s just who I am.

And who I am, is something I am starting to figure out. At the ripe ol’ age of…. 35…. I think that’s how old I am? I am starting to find ME. I am a people pleaser and a go getter. I am an encourager and a cheerleader for others. I am a helper. I am a happy mom and wife that loves life with her family. I am a servant of Christ. I am a worrier. I am an over thinker. I am a planner and an organizer. I am slightly OCD about a lot of things, but I am messy. I am self driven, but I sometimes need a push when the going gets tough. I like a challenge. I don’t like to look weak. I am scared of the unknown. I am learning to step out of my comfort zone. I fear failure!

Wow. Out of all of those things, the one hardest to say, is “I fear failure.” But why? If we fail at something, it means we tried!!!! We started! Failing is different than quitting. For example, my current goal at CrossFit is to learn to do strict pull-ups. I practice at them almost daily. It’s ugly, guys. I mean, IT IS UGLY. And funny! I look like a monkey trying to climb my butt up over that bar! But I am trying!!!! And I fail at it each time because I can’t do it yet, but I’m not quitting! I’m going to hang in there and work my butt off until I can monkey myself up! I want it!

But fear of failure keeps us from doing so many things that we would love to do! It cripples us! It literally sucks the life right out of you telling you, “you can’t do this!” Guess what, if you think you can’t, then you probably won’t! But if you go into something with a “can do” attitude and work at it like you’re going to knock it out of the park then eventually, you’ll do just that!

Over a year now something has been on my heart. I’ve watched one of my dear dear friends do something with such passion that I wanted to do it too. But fear told me, “You can’t do that. You’re not made for that. That’s not your thing. What will people say?” During this very time I was praying that God would give me something of my own. I have prayed for well over a year, maybe more, that He would open doors, show me the way, and just give me something that would be MINE! A business, an opportunity, something. This one specific thing though that my friend did, just kept talking to me. Every post she would make, spoke to me. I felt like she knew what was going on in my heart and the inner struggle I was having and that she was reaching out to me specifically. I know this isn’t true, but that’s how moved I was by the things she posted. They resonated so deeply with me. I just never could come to terms with it though. I was not a makeup artist. I am not a professional. I am sure not a salesperson. I have never sold the first thing in my life. I couldn’t do it. So I let a year slide by and watched others. I would mention it to people casually though, that I wanted to do it. And everyone would always encourage me. It never left my heart. But the fear. The fear was crippling. I prayed and I prayed. I even made myself physically ill trying to find God’s will and the right answer for me.

Then one day, at CrossFit, a friend gave me the final peace of mind I needed. I texted my husband after and told him, I was going to do it. I was going to sign up and sell LimeLight. But still, hours and hours went by and I just couldn’t text my friend. Fear. It crippled me still. For over a year I let it cripple me and keep me from this and even though I had made up my mind I still just couldn’t commit in that moment.

Then, as I was getting ready… that same day the song by Pink “Try” came on. I know that song is not about what I’m talking about here, but when the chorus came on, “You gotta get up and try, try, try. You gotta get up and try, try, try.” I picked up my phone and I texted her.

I preach to my kids to not be afraid to try, you guys!!!! You will never know what you can do, what goals you can reach, how far you can go, if you don’t at least TRY!!!!!! You can’t let fear cripple you! What kind of example am I if I’m not being the kind of person that I tell them to be? And I know selling makeup may seem like such a small deal to many of you. But when I commit to something, I want to do it right! I don’t want to half do it, so I wanted to make sure I was ready to really do it!

Now, I am so excited! I want to help people through this new business opportunity! I want to grow people! I want to inspire everyone to grow into the most beautiful versions of them inside and out that they possibly can be! I used these products long before I ever said yes to this business. I believed in them and loved them. I loved the fire my friends had promoting them. I loved the teams they were building! I wanted to be a part of that community! And now I want to give this to others. To help instill confidence in everyone to smash those fears that cripple us. “God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 I recite that verse to myself daily!!!! I tell myself “I will not have a spirit of fear!” And I challenge you all to do the same. What fears are crippling you? Conquer them! You have the power to overcome them, do it!!!!